Cultivating an Illusion: The Aftermath

So yesterday, due to external circumstances, an illusion I've held crashed and burned. I am going through the depression of withdrawel. In trying to examine my motivation, it was as a result to a natural occurence that I chose to read much more into than was realistically possible. Call it an unsubstantiated hope, but it gave me a peace and a joy I would not otherwise have had. Note this was not a mishapen perception caused by my schizophrenia but an illusion clearly understood and freely cultivated. The difference may be subtle but it exists.

In looking back I wonder if I have not done myself somewhat of a disservice. For the vast majority of us, we seek what we can to fill in the empty spaces within. I believe this can be done in a healthy way, although given my circumstances I cannot so experientially say. I think the problem with substituting an illusion to fill that emptiness is that it supercedes the possibility of personal growth. Kind of like taking the easy way, where true value can only be obtained by the difficulties encountered in the journey.

So I have resolved not to willingly buy into illusions anymore.